I have previously stated that I have set up a YouTube channel in my son's name. The purpose is to promote awareness, share part of our lives, and to let other families dealing with Autism that they are not alone.
If you would like to view it the address is www.youtube.com/eveliosautism .
I have never received negative comments on this channel of any kind.
Until the other day. I logged in just to check on the channel because I hadn't checked it in a few weeks. I noticed there was a "new comments" notification. I clicked on it. It was a comment on the video titled "Evelio's Autism 5.25.12 Playing At McDonalds". The comment was:
"Throw that retard in the deep fryer!!"
My first reaction was to just stare at the screen. I was completely speechless. Then I burst out crying. I was crying for two reasons
1) I was highly upset that anyone could even think something so cruel.
2) I was extremely (and still am) angry that someone had the nerve to say such a thing about anyone, but ESPECIALLY my child!
Naturally, I went to this person's profile. His/her screen name is "multisnootylives1". It is basically an anonymous profile. The stated age is 23. I did report he/she as a cyberbullying, however I am not sure what YouTube will do considering this wasn't harrassment. He/She said one thing and that was it. However, the nature of what was said is horrible.
I am absolutely disgusted by this comment. I do not understand what makes people say or think this kind of thing about anyone. I am even more angry that I have no way of retaliating against this person. People say to move on, keep your head up, and your above them.
EFF that!
I don't want to be above them. I want to yell and scream and shout at that ignorant S.O.B. I want to let them know how cowardly he/she is to hide behind an anonymous profile! I know damn well I and above he or she, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I had the power to tell them where to stick it!
I am sure as he grows, we probably will encounter more and more bullying and terrible comments. Small children are bound to notice he is different and will probably voice this because they won't know any better. But once those children get to be a certain age, they should know better than to make fun of a special needs child.
I am sure most parents would feel the same if they were in my situation. I am thankful for one thing:
Evelio has no idea what it means.
And I hope he NEVER grasps what is being said. The kind of emotional damage bullying that this can cause is almost always irrereversible. . .
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
The New Approach: Evelio's Re-Evaluation
At our family therapy session on June 8th, Evelio's therapist told us that he had finally gotten in to see the head ABA therapist (after being at the school for a month and a half!) and that she (Dr. Chandler) had totally changed his care plan.
Keila showed us the behavioral notes for Evelio for the past 2 weeks and he was having 12+ aggressions on day shift and evenings and around 1-3 on overnights. :(. . . .
As I said, Dr. Chandler re-evaluated Evelio. She sat through all his class time and observed him at leisure activities also. She concluded that his aggressive outbursts were mainly due to him not understanding what is going on. She said that they were trying teach him things well beyond his level of comprehension and it was stressing him out which led to frustration and violent outbursts. She estimated his functioning level at only 9 months. When I heard that my eyes filled with tears. When he was evaluated in June 2010, when he was 2 and a half years old, the Child Study Center at OKC children's hospital estimated his functioning age at between 8 months and 13 months in various areas. 8 months was the estimation for expressive and receptive language. And now, a full 2 years later, with therapy and school implemented during that time, he has regressed in most areas to 9 months! So, Dr. Chandler decided to changed their approach.
- Stop Potty-Training
At first I didn't like that. I want him to use the toilet. However, keeping in mind that his mental age is only 9 months, we have to think of him as being a 9 month old baby instead of looking at the monster almost 5 year old boy that he is. Now it is impractical to teach a 9 month old baby how to use the toilet, correct? Now I see why they want to stop. Evelio is seriously delayed in more important areas that we should be worrying about right now. Looking at it that way, potty-training in my opinion can be put on the back-burner. Now, Evelio has NO problem peeing in the toilet. He does not know when he has to pee, but he knows when he is in front of the toilet, that he should try to pee. He has memorized the routine of pulling his pants down and standing to pee, flushing the toilet, and pulling his pants up. Even when he doesn't need to pee, he still pushes and tries to pee. If you try to sit him on the toilet, he freaks out. So they are still going to take him to the toilet every hour so that he doesn't forget the routine. But that is what we need to bear in mind. He is not actually potty-trained in #1 because he doesn't know when he has to go, he has only memorized the routine of what is supposed to be done when he sees a toilet. There is a big difference.
- Work on Cooperation and Compliance
In order to teach Evelio anything, they need him to cooperate and comply with tasks. Evelio can barely sit through 1-2 minutes of anything before becoming frustrated and restless. Therefore, they are going to stop trying to teach him any new academic skills at the moment. They are going to set him very short assignments (lasting a maximum of 5 minutes). He will have his assignment and a short playtime immediately after and then back to another assignment. This will teach him the concept of "if I do this, after I can do what I want". Ultimately, this will serve as his motivator for completing tasks. Also, they plan on rewarding him for EVERY good thing that he does. Meaning, when they tell him "Pick that block up" and he does that, BAM he gets a Skittle. Then they say, "Put the block in this bucket," and he does it, he gets another Skittle. This will make him more inclined to follow directions. Once he grasps that, they will only give him a Skittle for every 3 things he does right, and so on and so forth.
Now, after he starts cooperating and complying, they will start increasing the time of assignments and decreasing the playtime following, until his assignments go from one to another with no playtime. Then, after he is cooperating with that, they will start increasing the level of difficulty on the assignments very gradually.
This is going to take a LONG time. They told me to take the small achievements as huge ones. That's something they don't need to tell me. I have been doing that for 2 years already. I take nothing for granted when it comes to what Evelio can do and what he knows. I have mixed feelings on this session. I feel very happy that they finally know how they are going to approach him and help him. I am happy that they do believe he can be helped and taught. But, also I feel very crushed at the fact that he's only at a 9 month level. Him regressing even after 2 years of therapy and school makes me think that maybe nothing will help. I try to steer myself away from those thoughts. This is definitely not the life I wanted for my son. I can only hope that through the school staff and therapists and my efforts and with time, he can make progress. . . and not regress. . .
That's all I have. . . :(
Keila showed us the behavioral notes for Evelio for the past 2 weeks and he was having 12+ aggressions on day shift and evenings and around 1-3 on overnights. :(. . . .
As I said, Dr. Chandler re-evaluated Evelio. She sat through all his class time and observed him at leisure activities also. She concluded that his aggressive outbursts were mainly due to him not understanding what is going on. She said that they were trying teach him things well beyond his level of comprehension and it was stressing him out which led to frustration and violent outbursts. She estimated his functioning level at only 9 months. When I heard that my eyes filled with tears. When he was evaluated in June 2010, when he was 2 and a half years old, the Child Study Center at OKC children's hospital estimated his functioning age at between 8 months and 13 months in various areas. 8 months was the estimation for expressive and receptive language. And now, a full 2 years later, with therapy and school implemented during that time, he has regressed in most areas to 9 months! So, Dr. Chandler decided to changed their approach.
- Stop Potty-Training
At first I didn't like that. I want him to use the toilet. However, keeping in mind that his mental age is only 9 months, we have to think of him as being a 9 month old baby instead of looking at the monster almost 5 year old boy that he is. Now it is impractical to teach a 9 month old baby how to use the toilet, correct? Now I see why they want to stop. Evelio is seriously delayed in more important areas that we should be worrying about right now. Looking at it that way, potty-training in my opinion can be put on the back-burner. Now, Evelio has NO problem peeing in the toilet. He does not know when he has to pee, but he knows when he is in front of the toilet, that he should try to pee. He has memorized the routine of pulling his pants down and standing to pee, flushing the toilet, and pulling his pants up. Even when he doesn't need to pee, he still pushes and tries to pee. If you try to sit him on the toilet, he freaks out. So they are still going to take him to the toilet every hour so that he doesn't forget the routine. But that is what we need to bear in mind. He is not actually potty-trained in #1 because he doesn't know when he has to go, he has only memorized the routine of what is supposed to be done when he sees a toilet. There is a big difference.
- Work on Cooperation and Compliance
In order to teach Evelio anything, they need him to cooperate and comply with tasks. Evelio can barely sit through 1-2 minutes of anything before becoming frustrated and restless. Therefore, they are going to stop trying to teach him any new academic skills at the moment. They are going to set him very short assignments (lasting a maximum of 5 minutes). He will have his assignment and a short playtime immediately after and then back to another assignment. This will teach him the concept of "if I do this, after I can do what I want". Ultimately, this will serve as his motivator for completing tasks. Also, they plan on rewarding him for EVERY good thing that he does. Meaning, when they tell him "Pick that block up" and he does that, BAM he gets a Skittle. Then they say, "Put the block in this bucket," and he does it, he gets another Skittle. This will make him more inclined to follow directions. Once he grasps that, they will only give him a Skittle for every 3 things he does right, and so on and so forth.
Now, after he starts cooperating and complying, they will start increasing the time of assignments and decreasing the playtime following, until his assignments go from one to another with no playtime. Then, after he is cooperating with that, they will start increasing the level of difficulty on the assignments very gradually.
This is going to take a LONG time. They told me to take the small achievements as huge ones. That's something they don't need to tell me. I have been doing that for 2 years already. I take nothing for granted when it comes to what Evelio can do and what he knows. I have mixed feelings on this session. I feel very happy that they finally know how they are going to approach him and help him. I am happy that they do believe he can be helped and taught. But, also I feel very crushed at the fact that he's only at a 9 month level. Him regressing even after 2 years of therapy and school makes me think that maybe nothing will help. I try to steer myself away from those thoughts. This is definitely not the life I wanted for my son. I can only hope that through the school staff and therapists and my efforts and with time, he can make progress. . . and not regress. . .
That's all I have. . . :(
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
My End of the Phone
Just a reminder, Evelio has now been at his inpatient facility for one month and one week.
He calls me every night. Really, his 1:1 aide calls me and hands him the phone. Now, Evelio is pre-verbal. I use pre-verbal because he makes noises so he is not mute but he doesn't speak English words, or any language for that matter. He's created his own language and honestly I wish he could teach it to me.
Anyhow, when he calls me, there are a few different types of "conversations" we have. Now, they all last around the same time frame. Usually from 10 seconds to 2 minutes (rarely). Evelio doesn't know how to use the phone, but I have asked the therapist to try and work with him an hopefully she can teach him the concept of it.... Anyway, back to the type of phone calls.
• HEAVY BREATHER
This is the type of phone call where, no matter what is said on my end, all I hear is breathing. And not just normal breathing, I'm talking HEAVY loud breathing. I get this type of phone call a lot. But hey I am not complaining. It always excellent to know your child has a healthy set of lungs.
• 10 SECOND QUICKIE
Our conversation will go something like this: Me - "Hi baby, I love you". Evelio - "ahhhh ung". And then the aide comes back on and says that he has handed the phone back to her and has run off. I guess that's his way of saying "ok mom you heard me and now I have to get back to more pressing matters like my bowl of popcorn might get stolen by some kid and I'll have to go to time away for kicking some ass" in two short word variations. (phone calls are usually done during "movie and popcorn" time before bed)
• THE BLABBER
This is my favorite type of phone call. This is where as soon as Evelio gets the phone he's just giggling and babbling away and I can't even get a word in. I have time to say "hi" and that's it. All I hear on the line is "ahhhh tee-tah eeeeee dai-yah ung ti ti ti" giggling madly "eeeee yah eee yah dai-ya eee" and some more maniac laughing. That kind of phone call always makes my day.
• TEAR JERKER
Pretty self explanatory. This is the phone call that is filled with tears from his end, that leads to tears from my end. Sometimes his crying sounds heartbroken, sometimes he sounds more like he's grumpy and whining. Either way I can tell that my baby is unhappy and it breaks my heart.
No matter what type of phone call I get, I look forward to my phone ringing every night so Evelio can hear my voice.
He calls me every night. Really, his 1:1 aide calls me and hands him the phone. Now, Evelio is pre-verbal. I use pre-verbal because he makes noises so he is not mute but he doesn't speak English words, or any language for that matter. He's created his own language and honestly I wish he could teach it to me.
Anyhow, when he calls me, there are a few different types of "conversations" we have. Now, they all last around the same time frame. Usually from 10 seconds to 2 minutes (rarely). Evelio doesn't know how to use the phone, but I have asked the therapist to try and work with him an hopefully she can teach him the concept of it.... Anyway, back to the type of phone calls.
• HEAVY BREATHER
This is the type of phone call where, no matter what is said on my end, all I hear is breathing. And not just normal breathing, I'm talking HEAVY loud breathing. I get this type of phone call a lot. But hey I am not complaining. It always excellent to know your child has a healthy set of lungs.
• 10 SECOND QUICKIE
Our conversation will go something like this: Me - "Hi baby, I love you". Evelio - "ahhhh ung". And then the aide comes back on and says that he has handed the phone back to her and has run off. I guess that's his way of saying "ok mom you heard me and now I have to get back to more pressing matters like my bowl of popcorn might get stolen by some kid and I'll have to go to time away for kicking some ass" in two short word variations. (phone calls are usually done during "movie and popcorn" time before bed)
• THE BLABBER
This is my favorite type of phone call. This is where as soon as Evelio gets the phone he's just giggling and babbling away and I can't even get a word in. I have time to say "hi" and that's it. All I hear on the line is "ahhhh tee-tah eeeeee dai-yah ung ti ti ti" giggling madly "eeeee yah eee yah dai-ya eee" and some more maniac laughing. That kind of phone call always makes my day.
• TEAR JERKER
Pretty self explanatory. This is the phone call that is filled with tears from his end, that leads to tears from my end. Sometimes his crying sounds heartbroken, sometimes he sounds more like he's grumpy and whining. Either way I can tell that my baby is unhappy and it breaks my heart.
No matter what type of phone call I get, I look forward to my phone ringing every night so Evelio can hear my voice.
Monday, May 14, 2012
First Visitation May 11, 2012
So the very first visit we had with Evelio went GREAT! He was in a very happy mood the entire time! We got to the school right at 5pm. Our family therapy sessions are every other Friday from 5pm-6pm. The first therapy session, we just basically talked about goals and what types of things we would be doing once he adjusted well. I got to read through all the charting that has been done on him since he was admitted. I was sad to see so many documentation notes on aggressive and violent behavior outbursts, but happy to see that the behavior wasn't major.
When his aide brought him out of his unit and I saw him, I immediately felt the urge to cry. He looked at me and gave me a hug. Really, it seemed like he was shocked to see me. He moved very slowly. He gave me lots of kisses and held tight to my hand. He also gave Robert lots of hugs and kisses.
We walked around the courtyard of the facility while I talked with the therapist. After an hour of that, we had him all to ourselves. It was rainy outside but not very cold so for most of the visit we stayed outside. We took him to the basketball courts and Robert tried to teach him how to dribble the ball, but he wasn't interested. He just wanted to run and kick up water.
It started to drizzle a little more heavily so we took him into the cafeteria where a few other families were visiting their children. He played Angry Birds on Robert's phone for a little bit. He started signing that he was thirsty, so Robert got him a cup with juice. I was so proud to watch him drink the entire cup with out spilling a drop. (At home he was still drinking from a sippy cup).
Then, there was another little boy, who was higher functioning than Evelio, who was playing with a small remote control truck. Evelio started chasing it around the cafeteria. When the other little boy would stop the truck, Evelio would pick it up and throw it. We scolded him for it, but the other little boy was so nice and said, "No, it's okay. He just wants to play." He tried to keep it zooming around for Evelio's entertainment. He even tried to give the control to Evelio and teach him how to use it. But, Evelio just wanted to chase it. It was so nice to see him interacting with that other little boy. I wish I would have gotten a video of them.
The visit's end came way too soon for me :(. We walked Evelio back to his unit where they were popping some popcorn and about to settle the kids down for a movie. Evelio was fine until I tried to let go of his hand. He pulled my hand closer to his body and tried to pull me into the "living room" of his unit. I told him I had to go and pulled him into a hug and gave him a big kiss. When his aide took his hand he started crying and stomping his feet. At that point, I had started to cry so Robert put his arm around me and led me to the car.
All in all, it was a fantastic visit and I can't wait until the next one!
When his aide brought him out of his unit and I saw him, I immediately felt the urge to cry. He looked at me and gave me a hug. Really, it seemed like he was shocked to see me. He moved very slowly. He gave me lots of kisses and held tight to my hand. He also gave Robert lots of hugs and kisses.
We walked around the courtyard of the facility while I talked with the therapist. After an hour of that, we had him all to ourselves. It was rainy outside but not very cold so for most of the visit we stayed outside. We took him to the basketball courts and Robert tried to teach him how to dribble the ball, but he wasn't interested. He just wanted to run and kick up water.
It started to drizzle a little more heavily so we took him into the cafeteria where a few other families were visiting their children. He played Angry Birds on Robert's phone for a little bit. He started signing that he was thirsty, so Robert got him a cup with juice. I was so proud to watch him drink the entire cup with out spilling a drop. (At home he was still drinking from a sippy cup).
Then, there was another little boy, who was higher functioning than Evelio, who was playing with a small remote control truck. Evelio started chasing it around the cafeteria. When the other little boy would stop the truck, Evelio would pick it up and throw it. We scolded him for it, but the other little boy was so nice and said, "No, it's okay. He just wants to play." He tried to keep it zooming around for Evelio's entertainment. He even tried to give the control to Evelio and teach him how to use it. But, Evelio just wanted to chase it. It was so nice to see him interacting with that other little boy. I wish I would have gotten a video of them.
The visit's end came way too soon for me :(. We walked Evelio back to his unit where they were popping some popcorn and about to settle the kids down for a movie. Evelio was fine until I tried to let go of his hand. He pulled my hand closer to his body and tried to pull me into the "living room" of his unit. I told him I had to go and pulled him into a hug and gave him a big kiss. When his aide took his hand he started crying and stomping his feet. At that point, I had started to cry so Robert put his arm around me and led me to the car.
All in all, it was a fantastic visit and I can't wait until the next one!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
How to Deal
As of today, my Evelio has been gone for a week and 4 days. It seems impossible because it feels as if he has been gone for months.
How am I dealing?? . . . it depends.
When I am away from home, I am better, (usually). I laugh easier. I'm pretty sure it's because I can subconsciously pretend that he's with a sitter and I'll be seeing him when I get home. When I'm at work, I feel almost normal. I'm used to not seeing Evelio at all on weekends. However, this past weekend I did breakdown at work a little. My little man had called me and I just lost it momentarily.
Now, at home, it's a whole different story. I wake up in the morning, alone. I decide to get out of bed, usually around noon because I just can't stand laying there anymore. I walk into my living room. . . . complete silence. I eat a piece of toast. . . I have no one to cook for. I generally spend all day doing absolutely nothing. . . . alone. Last week was so brutal that I found myself excited that Saturday was arriving so that I could go to work. I don't cry all day. But, I'm not in a happy mood. It is torture to not hear "eeeeeee lalalala dai-yah eeeee" in the background all day. And to not hear the stomping of feet as Evelio runs down the hall. The silence is so unnatural and unnerving to me. I hate it.
One night last week I went into Evelio's room, got into his bed, covered up with his Spiderman blanket, and snuggled with his favorite talking frog toy. And I cried. . . .and cried. . . .and cried for hours. I don't even know how long I was in there. I just cried. Then, I took his blanket and frog and laid on my couch in the living room and fell asleep.
I don't know how to deal with my son living somewhere else. I just tell myself every minute of everyday that I am giving him the best I could possibly give him. I try to stay focused on his future and what it could become after this program he is in is complete. But, honestly, that does not give me direction as to how to cope with his absence. I know with all my heart that this is what he needs for him, but for me? I feel as if I am being forced to smile when people ask me how I am. Like I HAVE to be okay because I'm doing the right thing. Somehow the idea of making the right decision is supposed to automatically ensure that I will be fine all the time.
Well. . .I'm not fine all the time, but I try to be. Or, rather, I try to make people think that I'm fine all the time. Because hearing someone reassure me does nothing to heal my pain. It does nothing to help the hurt that my heart feels. When someone wraps their arm around me, I feel even more weak and often cry harder. I just want to be okay. I just want to fast forward through this year and have my baby back home with me. . . . . . . . . .
How am I dealing?? . . . it depends.
When I am away from home, I am better, (usually). I laugh easier. I'm pretty sure it's because I can subconsciously pretend that he's with a sitter and I'll be seeing him when I get home. When I'm at work, I feel almost normal. I'm used to not seeing Evelio at all on weekends. However, this past weekend I did breakdown at work a little. My little man had called me and I just lost it momentarily.
Now, at home, it's a whole different story. I wake up in the morning, alone. I decide to get out of bed, usually around noon because I just can't stand laying there anymore. I walk into my living room. . . . complete silence. I eat a piece of toast. . . I have no one to cook for. I generally spend all day doing absolutely nothing. . . . alone. Last week was so brutal that I found myself excited that Saturday was arriving so that I could go to work. I don't cry all day. But, I'm not in a happy mood. It is torture to not hear "eeeeeee lalalala dai-yah eeeee" in the background all day. And to not hear the stomping of feet as Evelio runs down the hall. The silence is so unnatural and unnerving to me. I hate it.
One night last week I went into Evelio's room, got into his bed, covered up with his Spiderman blanket, and snuggled with his favorite talking frog toy. And I cried. . . .and cried. . . .and cried for hours. I don't even know how long I was in there. I just cried. Then, I took his blanket and frog and laid on my couch in the living room and fell asleep.
I don't know how to deal with my son living somewhere else. I just tell myself every minute of everyday that I am giving him the best I could possibly give him. I try to stay focused on his future and what it could become after this program he is in is complete. But, honestly, that does not give me direction as to how to cope with his absence. I know with all my heart that this is what he needs for him, but for me? I feel as if I am being forced to smile when people ask me how I am. Like I HAVE to be okay because I'm doing the right thing. Somehow the idea of making the right decision is supposed to automatically ensure that I will be fine all the time.
Well. . .I'm not fine all the time, but I try to be. Or, rather, I try to make people think that I'm fine all the time. Because hearing someone reassure me does nothing to heal my pain. It does nothing to help the hurt that my heart feels. When someone wraps their arm around me, I feel even more weak and often cry harder. I just want to be okay. I just want to fast forward through this year and have my baby back home with me. . . . . . . . . .
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
My Decision to Send Evelio to a Residential School
Well, there is a residential school in Oklahoma City for Autistic kids. There is a set of criteria each potential student has to meet.
Now, some people have supported this decision and others have criticized me as well as my motives for it.
Believe me, this was an EXTREMELY difficult decision for me to make; it's still tearing me apart and I want to change my mind.
First of all, my job as his parent is to do everything I can to make sure Evelio receives every service he can. Let's face it, if there is no intervention, we will not see any progress. I have seen 2 years of services offered here in Duncan, and I can say that the services he is receiving here are not enough to help him. They are wonderful services, don't get me wrong. I absolutely love his teacher and his therapists do everything they can I'm sure. However, after receiving the same services for 2 years, he is still functioning very low and is still extremely delayed.
Second of all, my worst fear is that he'll be 18 and still be on this low-functioning and aggressive level. He is very strong already, and I can only imagine the things he could do at 10 much less at 18. I feel that he needs the inpatient treatment now, voluntarily, rather than later when I would be forced to institutionalize him because he would be out of control.
I absolutely HATE the fact that he will be living 2 hours away from me. I hate the fact that I'll only get to visit him once a week for an hour and a half. I hate the fact that I can't give him what he needs myself.
How selfish would I be to keep him home and make him miss out on this outstanding opportunity to better his life just because I want him close to me. He loves me and I know that he'll need to do some major adjusting within himself once he is there, but I know that I would be in the wrong not to try it for my own selfish reasons.
Now, some people might think that I have alterior motives for sending him. They may think, 'oh she just wants to get rid of him so she can do whatever she wants.' That's fine if people want to think that, but believe me I have lived for my son so long I have forgotten how to think just for myself. The thought of doing whatever whenever is not appealing to me. I have lived the last 5 years of my life for my son and with him absent from my home I know I am not going to want to do anything. I cry just thinking of the drive on Friday.
I know I don't have to explain anything to anybody because I am the one who knows what's best for my son. I posted this mainly for me to justify it to myself because like I said, there's still a war raging inside my head.
Hopefully this is just what Evelio needs, and after his term there, I'll see a whole new child.
- A diagnosis of Autism
- IQ of 50 or lower
- Show the need for intense therapy in an inpatient setting
- Demonstrates self-injurious behavior
- Is very aggressive and/or violent and is a danger to others
Now, some people have supported this decision and others have criticized me as well as my motives for it.
Believe me, this was an EXTREMELY difficult decision for me to make; it's still tearing me apart and I want to change my mind.
First of all, my job as his parent is to do everything I can to make sure Evelio receives every service he can. Let's face it, if there is no intervention, we will not see any progress. I have seen 2 years of services offered here in Duncan, and I can say that the services he is receiving here are not enough to help him. They are wonderful services, don't get me wrong. I absolutely love his teacher and his therapists do everything they can I'm sure. However, after receiving the same services for 2 years, he is still functioning very low and is still extremely delayed.
Second of all, my worst fear is that he'll be 18 and still be on this low-functioning and aggressive level. He is very strong already, and I can only imagine the things he could do at 10 much less at 18. I feel that he needs the inpatient treatment now, voluntarily, rather than later when I would be forced to institutionalize him because he would be out of control.
I absolutely HATE the fact that he will be living 2 hours away from me. I hate the fact that I'll only get to visit him once a week for an hour and a half. I hate the fact that I can't give him what he needs myself.
How selfish would I be to keep him home and make him miss out on this outstanding opportunity to better his life just because I want him close to me. He loves me and I know that he'll need to do some major adjusting within himself once he is there, but I know that I would be in the wrong not to try it for my own selfish reasons.
Now, some people might think that I have alterior motives for sending him. They may think, 'oh she just wants to get rid of him so she can do whatever she wants.' That's fine if people want to think that, but believe me I have lived for my son so long I have forgotten how to think just for myself. The thought of doing whatever whenever is not appealing to me. I have lived the last 5 years of my life for my son and with him absent from my home I know I am not going to want to do anything. I cry just thinking of the drive on Friday.
I know I don't have to explain anything to anybody because I am the one who knows what's best for my son. I posted this mainly for me to justify it to myself because like I said, there's still a war raging inside my head.
Hopefully this is just what Evelio needs, and after his term there, I'll see a whole new child.
Monday, April 9, 2012
School. . .
So, today, Evelio's teacher called me and we talked for about an hour. The subject: Evelio's placement in the school district for next school year.
The program he's in now, is called Early Childhood (like Pre-K). It is only for children with special needs. He has 3 other boys in his class and there are two teachers. He goes Monday-Thursday from 12:30pm-3:00pm.
There is another program that is available for him next year. It's at a different building. It's an all day program, Monday-Friday. He would mainly be in a classroom with other special needs kids, but he would be mainstreamed for certain classes, like P.E., Recess, Music, also for lunch.
I have the option of keeping him in the same program he is in now, or I could put him at the other school. I want him to have more than just two and a half hours a day. Now, my dilemma:
a) He would definitely not make it through an entire school day. He would end up in a terrible mood and he would get sent home.
b) The parts of the day where he would be mainstreamed would be disastrous. There is absolutely no way he could get through them without hurting someone. All of those children are already expected to know how and when to sit and to be patient with the process.
c) and MOST importantly, his teacher informed me of something I was not aware of. It is law that if Evelio were to attack someone, causing any type of injury, the family of said child, (or teacher or adult or ANYBODY) has the civil right to SUE ME. There is no way I can put him in a long day of school with that risk.
The program he is in now, I could still be sued if someone were to get hurt, however seeing as it is a very short day, he is less likely to become so agitated. But, even with the short day, he still scratches and bites, so I know, the longer the day, the more serious the injuries would become.
I know that Evelio is capable of learning, it is his BEHAVIOR that gets in the way. . . I am doing research on the kinds of resources he could possibly get in addition to school. I am so stressed out, I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and hopeless. I know I have to be strong for my baby, but it is so hard to focus on any twisted idea of something half-way positive, when most of what I see when it comes to his progress is negative. :(
The program he's in now, is called Early Childhood (like Pre-K). It is only for children with special needs. He has 3 other boys in his class and there are two teachers. He goes Monday-Thursday from 12:30pm-3:00pm.
There is another program that is available for him next year. It's at a different building. It's an all day program, Monday-Friday. He would mainly be in a classroom with other special needs kids, but he would be mainstreamed for certain classes, like P.E., Recess, Music, also for lunch.
I have the option of keeping him in the same program he is in now, or I could put him at the other school. I want him to have more than just two and a half hours a day. Now, my dilemma:
a) He would definitely not make it through an entire school day. He would end up in a terrible mood and he would get sent home.
b) The parts of the day where he would be mainstreamed would be disastrous. There is absolutely no way he could get through them without hurting someone. All of those children are already expected to know how and when to sit and to be patient with the process.
c) and MOST importantly, his teacher informed me of something I was not aware of. It is law that if Evelio were to attack someone, causing any type of injury, the family of said child, (or teacher or adult or ANYBODY) has the civil right to SUE ME. There is no way I can put him in a long day of school with that risk.
The program he is in now, I could still be sued if someone were to get hurt, however seeing as it is a very short day, he is less likely to become so agitated. But, even with the short day, he still scratches and bites, so I know, the longer the day, the more serious the injuries would become.
I know that Evelio is capable of learning, it is his BEHAVIOR that gets in the way. . . I am doing research on the kinds of resources he could possibly get in addition to school. I am so stressed out, I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and hopeless. I know I have to be strong for my baby, but it is so hard to focus on any twisted idea of something half-way positive, when most of what I see when it comes to his progress is negative. :(
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