Did You Really Ask Me To Do That????

Okay, I seriously need to do some venting. Yesterday, February 27th, I had another hearing scheduled at that hell hole that is the Child Support office. If anyone has read my previous posts will know that the last time I went there, Evelio had to be put on medication.


Anyhow, a few days before this hearing, I had received a copy of genetic testing results, (FINALLY after two years of waiting for Evelio's dead beat sperm donor to do his part of the damned test) and of course, probability of paternity is 99.99%. Also, a reminder for the child support hearing was enclosed.


We, Evelio and I, got to the office at exactly 8:50 a.m. The hearing was scheduled for 9:00 a.m., but they tell everyone that. When you arrive you have to sign in and wait for ages to have your name called. Evelio's father, Juan, was already there waiting. There were so many people there already that there were only 2 vacant seats. As soon as we walked through the door, Evelio started screaming and stomping his feet. There were WAY too many people in that small space for him to handle. I dragged him to the receptionist desk and signed in. Juan didn't say anything to us. We sat down and I tried to distract Evelio from his surroundings with my iPhone. Normally, it really soothes him. He played a few games for maybe 2 minutes and then started screaming and pinching me. I noticed that Juan was staring at me as if to ask "WTF is his deal?" Everyone else kept sighing so I decided to try what I had done previously, which was to take him outside. Naturally, he was still distraught outside, not wanting to sit down or stop screaming. I kept him outside for about half an hour, but it was way too cold to keep him out. I took him back inside where the screaming grew louder and he started to hit me in the face, scratch himself, and bang his head into my chest. Juan got up and told me to sit in his chair because there were no other free places. He moved quite a ways away from us. I was thinking that he was probably embarrassed at the way Evelio was behaving. Then, to my relief, a lady opened the door to call someone back and called for me to come to her. I thought it was finally our turn. It wasn't.

"You're going to have to take him out of this office. We are about to hold a hearing, and the judge is going to be mad if he can hear a kid screaming in the lobby. I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait outside and we'll come get you whenever we're ready."

I was so furious that I couldn't say anything right away. Then I said, "Look, he has Autism, I can't help the fact that he's screaming. There's too many people in here and it's driving him crazy." She just shook her head and said, "I'm sorry you're going to have to wait with him outside." I turned away with my eyes full of tears. I was humiliated for one. More so than that however, I couldn't believe that she really asked me to wait outside in the cold because the judge couldn't deal with background noises. Juan noticed me walking towards the door and asked me what happened. Without looking at him I said, "They're making me take Evelio out of here because he's disturbing them, so I have to make him wait in the cold."

Juan followed me outside and told me that I could sit Evelio in his car so that he wouldn't be freezing. I was grateful that he allowed that. Evelio was still upset, but the longer we were outside, the more calm he became. Juan and I talked about Evelio's behavior and I tried my best to explain everything to him.

We were called back into the office to attend our hearing. The minute we got inside the little office to do the decision-making Evelio completely lost control. I just kept apologizing to the lady that was going to be overseeing our discussion. She was much more understanding than the other woman. I picked Evelio up and a few minutes later he was asleep in my arms. We went through the proceedings without argument and ended up not even having to see the judge.

I just can't believe they actually had me removed from the waiting area because my son was having a meltdown. I was completely embarrassed, not at Evelio's behavior, but at having been treated like a child being sent to the Principal's office for rough-housing. I don't know if I could ever bite my tongue again like I did in there. . .

Don't Take Things for Granted

 "Shut the EFF up!"

Now, all parents, (with NT or special needs kids), probably request silence at some point. Don't get me wrong, there are times when my son is making the craziest noises so loud that I can't think straight and I tell him to be quiet. But, there are some situations when I wish I could I had the opportunity to say shut up. I know that sounds confusing, so here's an example.

• "I came into this store for one reason, and I don't want to hear about what you want! So be quiet!"

I wish that my son could voice what he wanted. I don't care if he wanted everything that crossed our path. Nothing would give me more joy than for him to shout, "Mommy I want that toy, mommy I want those chips, mommy I want that shirt, or mommy I want those shoes."

I was talking to my sister one day on the phone and she was ranting about her youngest of two sons. Here's what she said,

"Oh my God, TJ is driving me crazy! He's just following me around saying 'Mommy, I love you. Hey Mommy what you doing' It's Mommy this and Mommy that and I wish he would just leave me alone and shut up!"

Now, I'm sure she wasn't thinking about who she was talking to. But in that moment I wanted to jump through the phone and slap her. I told her that she shouldn't complain to me of all people about that because I would be perfectly satisfied if my son could say even a variation of Mommy I Love You.

"My child is always wanting his/her friends to come over so they can wreck the house!" 

I hear this from people at work or I overhear from other parents talking to each other. I understand that you don't want your house wrecked. I don't like my house to be wrecked either. I just wish that my son HAD friends to invite over. More-so that he WANTED to make friends that he could invite over. I would love for him to have friends over and show an interest in interacting with them. Instead, most kids are terrified of him once they see a meltdown. And when they try to approach him to play, he either ignores them and on a bad day, attacks them.

"Every time we go somewhere, he/she always screams he/she has to go pee every 5 minutes so I spend more time in the bathroom than wherever we're going!"

This one isn't hugely common, but I'm sure it's still said often. I wish my son could even acknowledge the urge to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, he knows when I take him and pull his pants down and stand him in front of the toilet that he should push to see if pee comes out, but he still doesn't know when he has to go. He just knows the routine of going to the bathroom. I never expected to still pack a diaper bag for trips lasting longer than an hour when he is four and a half years old.

"My kid's always drawing on every piece of paper he/she can find, and his/herself too!"

I don't want my son to color all over the walls or anything. However, I do wish that he had the fine motor skills to hold a writing utensil and also the know-how to put the tip down and enjoy the effect of it making marks on paper or himself even. He, unfortunately, is not interested in even trying to make a mark. When I get him to hold a writing utensil, he wants to put it in his mouth, and if he can actually chew and swallow it, (i.e. crayon) he will!

3 Solid Days of Meltdown

So, for the past 3 days, Evelio has been screaming shrilly for hours at a time, stomping, hitting himself, and then he bursts out crying with lots of tears as if his heart is broken. . .
Then. . . it starts all over again.


I felt like I was going to go crazy the first day and part of the second day. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I blamed the medicine. He has been out of Risperdal for 2 days now. Risperdal makes him a little overemotional at normal rates, but now that he hasn't had any, I figured it's 100x's worse. I've called the pharmacy and there are no more refills, and they haven't heard back from the doctor. I called the doctor's office. . .His psychiatrist wants to see him before she refills it. That's all fine and dandy. It's just that she doesn't have an appointment open until Feb 10th! There is absolutely NO WAY he can go that long without medicine. Firstly, and most importantly, it is dangerous to his health to go without a medicine that his body has been used to taking for 2 and a half years. Secondly, I can't handle him without his medicine for that long. Not to mention, school has been pretty much totally pointless this past week due to his behavior. Waiting on a call now from his psychiatrist. . .


Last night, I gave Evelio his other medicine (Klonidine *don't know how to spell it* ), and also a dose of Tylenol because he kept holding his head and I imagined his head was hurting from all the screaming, and a dose of Melatonin. For the past 3 days he has been sleeping 2-3 hours at night, the rest is spent screaming and hitting himself and throwing things across his bedroom. He wasn't even napping very long during the day, which is highly unusual for him. Usually he'll take a nap everyday for at least 2 hours, and is ready for bed again by 8:30. Anyhow, after his medicine, I put him to bed, and after about 30 minutes of silence, I thought he must be asleep. I was wrong. He started squealing at first, and then came the screaming and crying. I let him continue this for a while, thinking he was only just going through another wave of meltdown, as we had been going through this for 3 days. Then, I couldn't stand it anymore, and he wasn't stopping so I went to his room and tried to calm him down. I tried laying with him and he kept pushing my hand off of him and slapping his arm. I picked him up and took him to the living room where Robert (my fiance) and I were watching the movie "Courageous", (fantastic movie btw). I sat him down with me and he couldn't sit still and was still crying and screaming. Usually, I can offer him my hand and ask him what he wants and he'll lead me to it, or, if he's hurting, will put my hand where he's hurting. For the course of this meltdown, however, he just slapped my hand away or pulled away from me. Then, he got up and started stomping around, and I noticed that he was digging the palm of his hand into his left ear. He usually puts his hands over his ears as a stimming behavior, part of the Autism. But, now, he burst out in tears and a 'heart-break' cry and was pushing on his ear. I told Robert that I bet he had an ear infection.


Evelio had tubes put in his ears in September of 2009, about 2 weeks before his 2nd birthday. He hadn't had an ear infection in the 2 and a half years since then. Everything made since now. Robert and I decided to take him to the ER. Indeed, he has an ear infection in both ears. We got a prescription for Tylenol with Codeine and Augmentin. Pharmacies were closed last night, so we (Evelio and I) basically got approximately 2.5 hours of sleep last night. Robert went to work at 6:30 this morning and he has the car, so the prescriptions are still not filled. They won't be filled until 4pm when he gets off. . .


In the meantime, Evelio is so tired, it's making him more upset. He'll fall asleep for 20-30 minutes and then wake up screaming.

He's pinched and hit me and tried to choke me. My heart breaks for him. And there is absolutely nothing I can do. I feel terrible on top of everything because his ear has probably been hurting for a while and he was trying to tell me with his behavior, but I didn't guess that. He hasn't had a fever that I can tell. I can never take his temperature because he won't let me. The last time I tried to take it, he gave me a great set of claw marks down the side of my neck. But, he hasn't felt hot.


I really hate Autism right now. Well, I hate it all the time, but right now I'm really feeling the anger. I just wish he could talk, or at least in some way, let me know when he's hurting. He finally showed me last night, but he has a high pain tolerance, so I can just imagine how badly it is hurting now that he is actually reacting to the pain.


I feel like I'm on the verge of tears today. I just don't know what to do. I can't help him and I should be able to. He doesn't understand why I can't make it stop hurting and I think that's why he is attacking me. Then, when he looks at me and cries that heart-break cry and lightly touches my arm it's like he's begging me to make it stop and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. . .


I hope this is over soon. . .