My Decision to Send Evelio to a Residential School

Well, there is a residential school in Oklahoma City for Autistic kids. There is a set of criteria each potential student has to meet.

• A diagnosis of Autism
• IQ of 50 or lower
• Show the need for intense therapy in an inpatient setting
• Demonstrates self-injurious behavior
• Is very aggressive and/or violent and is a danger to others

Evelio meets all the criteria. He got accepted and fortunately his medicaid covers it. He will be admitted on Friday, April 27th.

Now, some people have supported this decision and others have criticized me as well as my motives for it.

Believe me, this was an EXTREMELY difficult decision for me to make; it's still tearing me apart and I want to change my mind.

First of all, my job as his parent is to do everything I can to make sure Evelio receives every service he can. Let's face it, if there is no intervention, we will not see any progress. I have seen 2 years of services offered here in Duncan, and I can say that the services he is receiving here are not enough to help him. They are wonderful services, don't get me wrong. I absolutely love his teacher and his therapists do everything they can I'm sure. However, after receiving the same services for 2 years, he is still functioning very low and is still extremely delayed.

Second of all, my worst fear is that he'll be 18 and still be on this low-functioning and aggressive level. He is very strong already, and I can only imagine the things he could do at 10 much less at 18. I feel that he needs the inpatient treatment now, voluntarily, rather than later when I would be forced to institutionalize him because he would be out of control.

I absolutely HATE the fact that he will be living 2 hours away from me. I hate the fact that I'll only get to visit him once a week for an hour and a half. I hate the fact that I can't give him what he needs myself.

How selfish would I be to keep him home and make him miss out on this outstanding opportunity to better his life just because I want him close to me. He loves me and I know that he'll need to do some major adjusting within himself once he is there, but I know that I would be in the wrong not to try it for my own selfish reasons.

Now, some people might think that I have alterior motives for sending him. They may think, 'oh she just wants to get rid of him so she can do whatever she wants.' That's fine if people want to think that, but believe me I have lived for my son so long I have forgotten how to think just for myself. The thought of doing whatever whenever is not appealing to me. I have lived the last 5 years of my life for my son and with him absent from my home I know I am not going to want to do anything. I cry just thinking of the drive on Friday.

I know I don't have to explain anything to anybody because I am the one who knows what's best for my son. I posted this mainly for me to justify it to myself because like I said, there's still a war raging inside my head.

Hopefully this is just what Evelio needs, and after his term there, I'll see a whole new child.

School. . .

So, today, Evelio's teacher called me and we talked for about an hour. The subject: Evelio's placement in the school district for next school year.

The program he's in now, is called Early Childhood (like Pre-K). It is only for children with special needs. He has 3 other boys in his class and there are two teachers. He goes Monday-Thursday from 12:30pm-3:00pm.

There is another program that is available for him next year. It's at a different building. It's an all day program, Monday-Friday. He would mainly be in a classroom with other special needs kids, but he would be mainstreamed for certain classes, like P.E., Recess, Music, also for lunch.

I have the option of keeping him in the same program he is in now, or I could put him at the other school. I want him to have more than just two and a half hours a day. Now, my dilemma:
a) He would definitely not make it through an entire school day. He would end up in a terrible mood and he would get sent home.
b) The parts of the day where he would be mainstreamed would be disastrous. There is absolutely no way he could get through them without hurting someone. All of those children are already expected to know how and when to sit and to be patient with the process.
c) and MOST importantly, his teacher informed me of something I was not aware of. It is law that if Evelio were to attack someone, causing any type of injury, the family of said child, (or teacher or adult or ANYBODY) has the civil right to SUE ME. There is no way I can put him in a long day of school with that risk.

The program he is in now, I could still be sued if someone were to get hurt, however seeing as it is a very short day, he is less likely to become so agitated. But, even with the short day, he still scratches and bites, so I know, the longer the day, the more serious the injuries would become.

I know that Evelio is capable of learning, it is his BEHAVIOR that gets in the way. . . I am doing research on the kinds of resources he could possibly get in addition to school. I am so stressed out, I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and hopeless. I know I have to be strong for my baby, but it is so hard to focus on any twisted idea of something half-way positive, when most of what I see when it comes to his progress is negative. :(